It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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