so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
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