he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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