So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
