I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
