Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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