It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
...so i touched it.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
