well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
