the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
