the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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