i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
