Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just cut my nipple shaving
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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