just come out here and I will go home with you...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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