This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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