you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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