i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
