I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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