i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You were trust falling into bushes
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The air taste purple.
Randomize
