??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
