some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
