I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
