I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
wow bdsm is so cute
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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