I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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