Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
