go do what you do best...puke behind churches
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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