D3 body, D1 cock
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize