The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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