We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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