He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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