I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
