i just snorted my name. best moment ever
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
