I cockslap morals
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
