Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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