so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You were trust falling into bushes
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
