I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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