He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
