sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
