Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
it was like eating out sand paper
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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