My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
