drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
