Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
