I should be sponsored by Trojan
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize