Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize