Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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