We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
