I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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