i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
