There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
