we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
