I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
