THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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