I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
