he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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