Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
