The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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