if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
grandma shit on top of the toilet
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
