his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
