Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
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