I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
