Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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