saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
