Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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