A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Randomize