Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
