I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
