I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize