I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
