I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
