Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
