so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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