is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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