He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
