Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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