Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
