Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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