Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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