I wannas sexs uuuuu
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
