Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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