I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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