i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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