im drinking this country out of the recession.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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