I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
