i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
