No awkward lesbian experiences without me
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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