Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
