i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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