just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
