God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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