I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
