Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
