dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
