Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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