Just fell off a train. Bad.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
