dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Randomize
