i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
