all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Why are your pants in the freezer?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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