2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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